When we are growing up, we are taught not to talk about others because it is rude. How does this start? As with most rules; I believe clarification is needed. To presume it is rude is to presume that someone is saying something negative…and even if it is negative; is negative always bad?
The number one reason someone is talking about another is because that individual has brought attention to themselves; sought out or not. But as young children we inherently learn to draw attention to get things we need or want: from nutrition to toys to love. As children, we are also inherently honest. We speak what we mean and what we witness. Then, through society, we are taught to sensor. Turning honesty into being rude and attention into a presumed negative; pushing people away from their natural instincts. So, lets presume some different outlines or different rules.
I have always taught my children to: Be Honest, Be Respectful, and Lead By Example. But with the traditional guidelines it is not surprising that this would be confusing to them or anyone for that matter because as a society we have created those three things to now almost be oxymoron’s of themselves. So, as a parent, I needed to find a way in which all could align.
Be Honest. This does not mean you have to be rude to someone if you need to tell them something disheartening. Afterall, it is not what you say, it is how you say it. The golden rule in our home is that if you can’t say it to the person directly, rethink if you should be saying it at all.
Be Respectful. Much like being honest; consider if you can say it to the person directly. If not, reconsider. It is more respectful to share something disheartening with someone than to not only talk about them but to do it behind their back. Be strong, always speak from the heart, and share something out of the desire to help them, not hurt them.
Lead By Example. If you are being honest and being respectful; you are already ahead of most and thus leading them by example. It is always more difficult to lead than to follow and without followers we would not have leaders. But regardless if you choose to follow overall in life or not; you can always live true to your own morals, values, and ethics and lead yourself by example.
And sadly, by following all three of these life basics, you will inherently draw attention and people will inherently talk about you. But what negativity can they honestly speak of any of these? That is where we need to teach and recognize ourselves, that whether personal or professional, if you are living a life of honesty, respect, and being true to yourself; it makes it easier to blow it off when others may talk about us. We just need to remind ourselves that it is not always a bad thing to be that center of attention. In fact, it is a great compliment. It means that you are inspiring others. Regardless who it is or how they may try to spin it negatively or not, you are intimidating them, you are inspiring them, and whether they want to accept it or not, you are leading them. You are making a positive impact. You are making a difference. You are impacting Actions and Results.
A good friend and mentor of mine shared with me his marketing philosophy when his competitors would talk about him. Over 20 years later, I think it is a great motto for our personal and professional lives when we follow these life basics. It also still brings a smile to my face. “If we aren’t pissing them off, we aren’t doing our job.”
Make it amazing and take pride when you make them talk!
