I realize that we all have routines in our daily lives and routines are not necessarily a bad thing. But the language we use typically has emotions anchored to it and therefore will prompt a response or outcome depending on what we say. It’s like what I teach in the my workshop: ‘SYNERGY: The Power of Color, Language, & Physiology™’ – it truly is WHAT you say, NOT always how you say it!
So, when I called my sister one day, asked her how she was doing, realized her tone of voice was not congruent in her response of “Oh good, how are you?” and she started to proceed into the conversation; I immediately stopped her to point out that she didn’t seem ‘good.’
I replied, “Well that doesn’t sound too convincing, what’s up?” She stopped in amazement that I was truly concerned and meant it, as she so eloquently pointed out, about inquiring how she was. Of course I meant it, I thought, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it. But this made me realize in my future coaching and consulting calls just how many daily questions, statements, and words we have become numb to.
Top 10 questions, statements, and words I see people have lost emotions with and how to gain back some TRUE meaning to them!
#1: How are you?
First, don’t ask someone if you, yourself, are not congruent in your sincere concern for the answer. Be more specific when possible with the question itself or be prepared to follow up with another question or statement after their response to prove your sincerity.
#2: How can I help you?
Whether you are answering the telephone at work or inquiring with your children how you can assist them; be more specific. In business, even try being creative. Although I do not frequent fast food restaurants, I did treat my children to some ice cream the other day from a Culver’s Frozen Custard drive thru and was impressed when they greeted me with a more unique hello inquiring what “special food or treat” they could make me that day. We are all here to serve, so there is no harm in being specific as to what you are ready and willing to serve your clients or customers with when they call in. It is just one more way of setting yourself apart and another opportunity to pre-sell to them.
#3: Thank you for calling, how may I direct your call?
Similar to #2, be creative or utilize your tag line of your business each time. Talk about the weather, anything. Just don’t be a robot! Making your customers and clients stumble because you threw them for a loop with your answer, is not a bad thing!
#4: Thank you
Whether you are writing an email or saying it in person, even I am guilty of ‘over thanking’ someone…but take it to another level. Be specific for what you are thankful for or find a new sign off, one in which is not on the ‘numbed’ list.
#5: Good
This is a four letter word that I do not like. It is right up there with ‘nice.’ Everyone replies to question #1 with ‘Good,’ but did you ever notice when you say it, there is no gut feeling or emotion anymore to it. Why not change it up? Is it possible that you are feeling Great? Fantastic? Amazing? Just try responding using that language once and notice the feeling you have as well as the reaction you get. You will both be in a better place!
#6: Good job
Even some compliments have been overused throughout time or with insincerity that they have made the numbing list. Compliments are FANTASTIC! When sincere! So, make sure you are not saying it, to just say it or try to make someone else feel appreciated. Because if it is not sincere, they WON’T feel appreciated anyway. Change it up and remember, BE SPECIFIC on what you are complimenting on!
#7: We need to improve/increase …sales, profits, conversions…
Regardless what it is specifically in your industry that you are looking to improve or increase, being specific, in this case is still numbing. Every company always wants to improve, increase, or grow. I remind my leaders all the time, “You are either growing or dying, there is no such thing as stagnant.” And just like they know this, so do their employees. But instead of starting off a meeting with a statement like this where everyone will immediately put up the numbing barriers and walls, most likely only telling their leaders what they want to hear, if they say anything at all. Try starting off asking your employees or teams, how THEY think things are going? What do THEY want to change? What do THEY want to improve? And of course, HOW do THEY feel it can be done? If you are not pleasantly surprised on what they share, YOU may need to re-evaluate who YOU have on your team.
#8: Do you have a quick minute?
STOP! STOP! STOP! You are NOT going to talk to them for ONLY 60 seconds. We both know that. Honestly, most people have not only become numb to this question but actually cringe when they hear it. So, be respectful. Exhaust ALL of your OWN independent means of finding an answer and if you need help, don’t hesitate to ask BUT respect the other person’s time. Inquire when a good time is to ask a question, tell them how long truthfully it may take to discuss, even send them a calendar invite. Even just popping your head into their doorway, still not only interrupts their time but their thought process as well which will throw them off for more than 60 seconds already. Come up with an amazing and respectful system that your entire team can adopt and be more productive with less stress on all!
#9: Sorry
Another word all too often used without sincerity both at work and at home. Be sincere by apologizing with the specific instance in which you are truly sorry for. This goes a lot further. And remember, congruency, congruency, congruency. We all know by our body language when someone is sorry or not.
#10: Love you
Although telling your co-workers that you love them can sometimes seem to cross that professional line; I know some do this in passing with long term colleagues they feel comfortable with as a form of thanking them. Telling our loved ones at home that we love them in a quick passing also seems to serve as another way of saying thank you or even good-bye on the telephone. Again, to ensure the true meaning and intention is not lost and this doesn’t creep up from #10, share more about what you love about someone or something they did and how it makes you feel or how it helps you.
When numb, splash some ice water in your face, WAKE-UP, and share your new found excitement!
