Let’s face it. Life is one big stage and everyone is playing a role. Some choose to play star roles, some supporting roles, and some prefer behind the scenes. No role is more important than another; despite some that choose to judge others even though they are not the accredited movie critic themselves. They think they know the other’s story or what they are going through. They make assumptions well before they reach the climax of the role or scene. They make these assumptions sometimes at a quick glance or even by just looking at the pictures posted on a social media site. This is why I have chosen to openly share some pictures and my role with you and accept any judgement you may have of them.

You see, a picture may be worth a thousand words but there are thousands of words that are priceless in pictures because they are the unknown words. This picture definitely says a lot. It demonstrates a very important role that I had the honor of playing. Trials and triumphs in this role that I carried for not only me but many women that have played this role before me and many women that will play the role after me. This picture was taken earlier this year at the National Ms. United States pageant in Washington D.C. This pictures shows that I was representing my home state of Wisconsin during our swimsuit competition. It shows a smiling, confident, fit, woman. It shows a beautiful atmosphere modeling a swimsuit around a swimming pool. I was blessed to have so many people cheering for me both there as well as from around the world through social media and competition streams. I was even blessed to have my sister queens from around the country that I was competing against be shocked to learn that I was almost a decade older than them (I am 37), one of the oldest competitors, and that I had 3 children; 1 of them was actually competing at that same national competition representing Wisconsin in the Junior Teen age division. But this is just a few of the things this picture doesn’t show you. Because those that knew me, knew all of those things when looking at this picture. However, so much more is not shown here.

Although it shows me smiling, I was in extreme pain. I had a mini-stroke less than 6 months before and had a heart monitor in my hotel room that I was to put on when not competing and while I slept. The picture can’t tell you that my daughter, who I was blessed to have with me, would help me get ready and organize our hotel room; besides getting herself ready for competition, because I did not have the strength or energy to do so. The picture can’t tell you that every time I walked across the stage during rehearsal or competition I feared passing out due to unknown complications at that time of my health.

Two months after returning from that national competition and continued doctor appointments with no answers and my health in no better state than before; my doctors referred me to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

 

This picture shows you a smiling, happy, family on a sunny day. What this picture doesn’t show you is me limping because I was losing feeling and functionality in my right leg, the two monitors hooked up to me that I had to stop every 3 minutes for them to take a reading, the pain and exhaustion my body was going through during the week long trip of procedures and tests. The wheelchair that would be needed when my blood pressure would drop too quickly and too low for me to stand, or the lack of memories in general I would experience from lack of blood flow throughout my body. This picture is not capable of showing you the relief either of receiving two diagnosis during my multiple visits that month to the clinic. Unfortunately being diagnosed with two invisible and incurable disorders, one more common than the other: Fibromyalgia and P.O.T.S. (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). Fibro is commonly known to people as chronic pain and fatigue and that is true, along with that comes difficulty, at times, focusing. There are a lot of lifestyle changes you can do to help, including: healthy eating, stretching, and medications to help minimize the impact of Fibro in your life. Note: the best time of day for Fibro patients is generally the morning after some stretching because the fatigue and pain are harder towards the end of the day. P.O.T.S. is an autonomic disorder or what I like to refer to as an automatic disorder because it effects your automatic functions; the things you take for granted that should work for you all the time. Your blood pressure, heart, stress management; the largest and key being effected is blood pressure. Since it does not regulate itself properly; whether I turn my head back and forth to look at two different things or people, or even just stand and sit too quickly or just a few times in a row (like during church); I get nauseous, dizzy, my heart will race, my body temperature will sky rocket, or I will get weak or even lose my balance. Because of the lack of regulation I also get another dose of extreme fatigue and lack of focus and memory at times. Similar lifestyle changes can be made but there are limited medications because it is so different from moment to moment and person to person. Note: the best time of the day for a P.O.T.S. patient is supposed to be mid afternoon because you are to take mornings slower to allow your body to re-adjust after resting at night (that is if you are able to get any rest). So, I won the lottery because for me, by having both with overlapping symptoms but ‘off’ timings; I do not get a ‘good time of the day.’ These overlaps are very strenuous not only on myself but my family and friends as well.

 

This picture, shows me and a long time friend having a great time based on our smiles. It doesn’t show you my daughter and her friend that we were enjoying time with at a local concert. It also can’t show you that I had to spend a great deal of time sitting because I could not stand for very long nor as I mentioned before go up and down very much without causing further problems. It does not show you that I had to take the elevator despite elevators throwing my body into a whirlwind themselves because my body doesn’t adjust to the motion, but I would not be able to handle the stairs. It can’t show you that I had to leave because of the loud noise of the concert and it causing my heart to race and chest to hurt, causing me to not be able to take a breathe.

 

This picture shows you a beautifully decorated Christmas tree just in time for the blessed day of Thanksgiving. What it can’t show you is that it took a week to accomplish because again the basic task of turning my head back and forth to place ornaments from the box onto the tree was exhausting, made me ill, dizzy, off balance, and was painful. It can’t tell you that my children would often times remind mom to sit down and rest because it, too, affects them when they have to see mom not well. ‘Invisible’ disorders are far from invisible to those living with them or the family and friends around those that are living with them. They impact more than just the patient. And although I don’t have the picture that my daughter took of me recently when I had fallen asleep during church from pure exhaustion, I was glad that at that moment the impact was humorous to her instead of the usual stress seeing her mom not be the active, 180 mph mom I had been just one year before.

So pictures are definitely worth a thousand words but much of them, the silent ones that most will never know are the priceless ones. I don’t share all of these with you for any type of sympathy and I am not on a pitty potty. I share all of this with you because it is difficult for those living with what are referred to as those ‘invisible’ diseases. They reference them as invisible since we don’t always look sick from a picture or at a quick glance. I share this with you as well because I AM BLESSED. I surround myself with those that do not judge or make assumptions. In fact, they go out of their way to adjust plans from going out to coming over to my home without making me feel guilty. They look out for me when we are out and make sure I am okay and are encouraging to take things slow. They volunteer and help me with projects that are important to me to feel as though I am still contributing to make a difference and help make those projects a reality. But I realize that not everyone is as blessed as I am to have that support surround them.

I am pleading with everyone to ask yourself; every time before you are about to make an assumption or pass judgement based on a glance or a picture or a social media post; “Do I really know their story? What if everything isn’t as perfect as it may seem?” I ask you to try living a life of gratitude for what you do have not of expectation of what you think you do not have. To live a life of gratitude for what happens for you, not what you think has happened to you. Recognize and acknowledge your blessings, your purpose, your path. Make the thousands of words that are silent priceless, meaningful, and purposeful.

 

This last picture I share again shows a beautiful girl smiling and surrounded by confetti. She is my daughter. She has battled teen depression, made it a personal mission to end teen depression, and inspires me daily. If I had not experienced all of these photos above; ALL the trials and triumphs, I also would not have taken the time to compile hundreds of inspirational quotes I had written over the years into a book published on Amazon.com, with this image of my beautiful daughter on the front of it.

I am blessed with the stage and role in life I have been given and pictures can’t always show you my TRUE blessings, despite what you may think.